Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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