im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
