Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
