Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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