my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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