Do you still have your period?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
