Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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