id be glad to
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
