It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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