Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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