There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
