Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
