theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
