Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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