I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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