if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
do herpes really smell.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize