I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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