so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
