As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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