She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
