you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
