Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
