I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
