first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
