I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
