they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
