Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
