If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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