Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
