I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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