my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Who wears a wallet chain?!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
