so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
