I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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