living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
