i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
