Girls should come with a carfax report
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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