Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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