I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
