is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How does it feel to date your dad?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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