my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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