I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
