i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
