You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
