Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
