I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
