the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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