This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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