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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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