Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
they need to just BURY HIM!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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