How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
