happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
