It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
