I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
