at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i was born a porn star she said
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
