got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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