the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
