so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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