I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
